We all have our own bêtes noires petites, non? Our pet peeves, we all have those little things that drive us up the wall of our wits for rather irrational reasons. Well, I have a few of my own, each as weird as the other like the incorrect use of the subjunctive "were" or Jude Law's accent in Cold Mountain (well,what the hell, Jude Law in general is as annoying as a Hardee's commercial).
But perhaps the most poignant, most vexing peeve of all, is when someone who clearly has no musical training whats-so-ever, tries to play the piano. I detest it. I despise it; and nothing else can make me as mad or as jittery or as nervous as having to sit there and listen to it. I hate for someone to just blindly bang away at the keys incessantly, and yes, I am talking about you, Justin Schultz.
I cannot stand it; I really don't know why, Justin. Perhaps it is because my mother plays the piano quite well and I was raised in a household listening to her humbly immaculate command of the ivory. She programed into me at an early age that there is no sin worse than to "bang on a piano". I cannot play the piano but I still hate for someone to bang on it. I don't do it and I think it should be illegal for anyone else to.
So, Justin, please listen to my plight. You're a great guy but you've got to stop letting your fingers play a game of drunk rugby on the fucking keyboard before I rip my hair out. I promise it's not you. Margaret Thatcher could sit there and do it and I would still become infuriated, bite my nails and turn my ipod up so loudly my ears bleed. And we all now that I adore Margaret Thatcher, that saucy fox, even if she was a dirty conservative.
So, Justin (and Zack Jones, because you too have been known to do it ) please take from this blog that I really really REALLY hate it when you engage your hands into painful musical entropy on the piano. In fact, don't even touch the piano anymore. Next rehearsal I'm making the piano COMPLETELY OFF LIMITS. I can't take it anymore.
Unless of course, you're Natalie George, you play beautifully, and may do so as much as you like.
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2 comments:
Getting a bit big for our Goodwill Ralph Lauren britches, are we? Need I remind you who the director is? I believe I am the only one who gets to make anything completely off limits. Of course, you are scarier than me, so you might be more effective.
I think for our next warm up each member of the cast will express their artistry by playing a piece of their own immediate creation, and everyone else will dance.
Or we would do that, if I weren't so auditory that such an exercise would make me bang my head on the stage floor until I knocked myself unconscious.
amen
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